Today Was Difficult

Lila complained to me yesterday that her neck, severe pains in which stimulated her firsts intense visits to the doctors who eventually diagnosed her cancer, did not seem to hurt less, if anything hurt more, was somewhat more uncomfortable, perhaps than hitherto.

She first developed the severe pains in her neck after trying to pull a sapling tree from the dirt. She's a gardener, loves to dig in the dirt. Pulling the thing was apparently something she thought she could do. And she did it. A strong gal, muscular, wiry, and waay WAY womanly. But when she pulled, something popped in her neck, and she's never been right since then.

That was late March, early April. We had already planned our next meeting, when school was over, in May...She spent a month trying to tell somebody something was wrong. Then there were tests, tests and more tests. We got the diagnosis in early June. Almost exactly a month ago. Which was also--ironically; I see irony in it, anyway--almost exactly a year since we had reconnected, again, after a seven-year separation. We split up--she ran me off--so she could take care of her kids. Then she took care of her kids. When they were grown and good, she came looking for me again. I wasn't that hard to find, cuz I'd been cherishing the quiet hope that somehow we might someday reconnect. Funny how this shit works out, innit?

So anyhow, I don't know anymore about how my Lila's doing today than that she's in a LOT of pain. She had her pre-op for installing the "central vent/port" today after her radiation treatment. She said it took forever, and most of it was waiting, and her head and her neck hurt horribly. And when she got home, hurting like that, she called me to tell me she wasn't gonna be able to call me cuz she felt too shitty, but that she loves me.

Not longer than a minute, all told, including the flood of endearments. Now she's resting, sleeping I hope. The pain in her voice commanded her so harshly, it hurt me to listen, though I would have, if she'd had the strength; anything if it it'd help.

(To Be Contd)