Here's the story, in my own words.

Today, on the phone, Lila told me we can't have any illusions about this. She said it about her kids, but I knew, and she knew i knew what she meant. She didn't say she was dying, but we both knew that was the subtext of the message.
Stage 4.
She didn't say it,and she didn't have to.
Stage 4.
It went a long, long time without detection.
She told me she felt bad meeting solicitous friends. She didn't know what to tell them. I told her it was that knowledge that swallowed me in clouds of despond, like a 2x4 in an F-4 tornado. I did not know what it was that I might penetrate, but the momentum was too ferocious to resist. I never, ever, knew the words were so loaded: anguish, loneliness, despair, fear...