Attitude Is Destiny

There's a LOT of literature on what has gotten it's hooks into My Girl, my Lila. There's a lot of literature on cancer, in general, too.

Which is a good thing, because being a scholar through and through, Lila will likely take the management of the problem--her cancer--as a 'project.' She's always done 'projects,' she tells me: knitting, gardening, she says her house is full of the residue of her projects. (Only me she doesn't regard as a project, thankfully.) Mebbe not unlike writing her dissertation, she'll comb the references, make notes, cross-reference stuff, find relevant statistics which she (because all ph.d.s since the mid-80s have had to take a minimum of at least two statistics courses) will be able to interpret competently. This is right up her alley. She'll thrive on the challenge, it will be good for her. It has already really helped her attitude, bouyed her up with interest and curiousity. The woman's a blooming genius, speaks five languages fluently. She's found a/the handle. She's such a smart, tough woman.

I am so glad she's found the desire to fight. She was morose at first. It wasn't, I thought, my place to insult her with polyanna-isms. She's been in such pain. I became pretty morose, too. But now she's seizing it She has such a good mind, and tests today showed the cancer hadn't proceded into her brain stem...So she's looking for a fight. Right-fucking-ON! my baby. High-heel sneakers! Put dat wig-hat on yore head! Go kick some butt!

I'm already learning a lot, too.

One of such things is that there are also a lot of web-sites with a lot of valuable information on them for people in these circumstances. A lot of it's pretty sterile, though. And I'd like as much as possible to avoid the pit-falls of self-pity here-- too much "reflexion," as the phenomenologists would call it--and to provide a service to the extent that it is possible, perhaps provide a clearinghouse of resources for other lovers struggling through this. If it might be distinguished in any way at all, it might be in how lovers-qua-lovers confront these, our mortal "adversaries." Mebbe if you find a site that's helpful you could provide a link and write about what you learned there, in less sterile terms.

Lila and I are lovers, in every sense. We truly relish each other: physically, mentally, intellectually, literarily, philosophically. And it was that way from the first time we met--well, as we separated for the first time was when it clicked. We both experienced it, she on the tarmac, turning for one last, hopeless glimpse toward the window of the terminal; me, there, where i had not been the moment before, my hands pressed on the glass, half-gasping from exertion of getting there in time: an amazing, immediate bonding, across space, through glass, and I'd bet space-time, too. We have as much pleasure of each other in bi-lingual jokes as in bi-labial pokes. Once she referred to me as her "Martin", and to herself as my "Hannah." That's flattery of an orgasmic order. If this "Chinchilla" became a rendezvous for lovers forelorn with hope, it might be a worthy enterprise.

So then, below "the Adversary" box to the right, I've set up a box for relevant links--"My Enemy's Enemies"--to share with such other readers as stumble upon the 'place,' or are directed hence from elsewhere. If you have useful information, please append links to the comments, and I'll plug 'em into the data base.